The whole family is camping on a site somewhere in England. As I finish putting up our tent, I examine how I've put it up, and it looks like I've pitched it a little close to the neighbour's tent. His is a large orange tent almost the size of a house - large enough to stand up in. I venture in.
The middle-aged man inside has paste tables set up with old magazines and original comic artwork on them. I notice some Pete Bagge 'Hate' comic artwork and we get chatting about it. I also notice that on the table there's lots of Satanic Nazi Sex genre comics with bondage and whatnot in them, which he tells me he's very keen on. I nod to appear interested.
He tells me to follow him to his house - it's a suburban semi just next door. The decor is a bit cheap and tacky, with beige furniture and white carpets and gold tubing bits everywhere. He picks up a DVD from the side and shows it to me. It's a sex film featuring his wife, who looks blonde and MILF-like on the cover. The film itself appears to be an all-girl gangbang with her and a handful of other women. The cover of her posed with them is just as tacky as the house, but also a little sexy. "Very nice." I say in an effort to appear polite, but he seems to take it to mean a green light to other things, and gets out his mobile phone, telling the person on the other end to "get downstairs".
There's noises from above and then I hear steps and suddenly at the bottom of the hall stairs is a large baby, who has crawled down. The baby is followed by the man's wife, also on all fours. She's much shorter than she appeared on the DVD cover, a dwarf almost, but still a little blonde and pretty in a dirty way. She looks me up and down, checking me out. "OK." she says, in a bored tone. The man then hands me another DVD of his wife's sex films, in a gift pack with some playing cards. He says he'll see me tomorrow and pats me on the back, showing me out. I'm not sure what I've agreed to.
I get back to our tent and ask Sasha when we're leaving, and she says "crack of dawn" and I say "good." and then tell the rest of the family the story. We all laugh about it, but when I'm alone later I make sure the sex DVDs are packed away safely to watch later.
And then I wake up.