Friday, November 16, 2007
I dreamed a boy. He was neither my current lover nor my boyfriend.
At the beginning of the dream I'm a new student in a school in a new country.
I'm hopelessly lost and he's hopelessly cute. He's not a stranger for long. I make the first move, expecting nothing but feeling cheeky. He doesn't respond immediately so I go off about my day, "nothing ventured nothing gained" I'm thinking. I'm not upset, I don't feel vulnerable, nor am I awaiting his word.
Much later I see him outside the school gates, he's watching for me. He say's something like "There's gona be nuff talk if I take on a woman", I tell him he's going to have to find a better way to describe the situation. Dark hair and wicked eyes, he's gentle with me, but even with a touch I'm alight.
I'm confident in my self, in my body and though he tries to guide me to the unspoken rules of the students. I flout them with a half smile. Wearing my high tops laced to the top, not turned over. Dressing in my usual messy assemblage, not polished and coiffured like the girls here.
I smile sweetly at the "who does she think she is?" from bints and handbag girls.
He works at some trendy venue, that I meet him at looking scruffy. He always raises one eyebrow at my 'get-up' and pulls me close...too self assured and passionate for a school boy, he sets me on fire.
It's a strange sensation, or situation... He's part of the cliques and hierarchy but he wants me, I who am 'no one'.
Somewhere in the middle of the dream I realise that I'm a student and he's a teacher. Not my own teacher, but I worry none the less that discovery would mean trouble. He teaches the younger children and I go and wait for him sometimes. Trying not to give him 'looks', or distract him from his lesson plan, I observe how he works with the kids. He makes the children feel empowered by their knowledge. He boosts their confidence and speaks to them like equals. I admire him for this very much.
By the end of the dream we are both teachers at the same school, although I'm a new member of staff, and he knows the place inside out. I still wait for him after class, he still sparks fire in my belly.
The changes are seamless and I think nothing of them until I wake.
At times during the dream I came close to the surface, but was desperate not to wake up. Even if I knew that it was not 'reality', to be allowed to belong with someone who made it feel right was far too tempting....