Thursday, August 17, 2006

The missing telly

I kept dreaming that my t.v was stolen in a recurring bizarre dream. In the dream I woke and noticed the telly had gone but then thought I was in a dream and went back to bed thinking I'd wake up and the telly would be there. Every time I woke the telly was still gone and I'd shake my head in disbelief and go back to bed thinking it was a dream. The thing is, it was all one long dream, eventually of course I did wake and the telly was there. Did you get that?

But some git had nicked the milk money!

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

13/8/06 Dream

Kate is staying in my parents house. I want to find a way of engineering it so that I can have sex with her, in an empty room somewhere. We keep texting but somehow can't find each other. I catch glimpses of her, giving me wry smile before disappearing.

Downstairs, my sister (still alive) is trying to play a trick on me as I sit in my Dad's chair. She is pretending that she could easily spill red wine from a bottle onto me. In mucking around though she actually spills the wine onto my khaki trousers, and I am pissed off and bawl her out over it. She looks on sulkily as my Mum makes me take off the trousers and we can see that the wine has stained through to my leg. With scissors, my Mum starts cutting off strips of flesh from my leg, removing the offending stains. She gets to the strand of main vein at the back of my leg and smiles and says "I'd better not cut that, eh?".

And then I wake up.

11/8/06 Dream

We've decided to go and see the stage version of Chicago, which appears to have Catherine Zeta Jones in it. As we walk into the theatre a man comes up behind me and starts to move my arms and legs for me, walking me straight up onto the stage. I go along with it, realising it's got to be something to do with the show and although I hate the humiliating way some shows use audience members for laughs, I don't want to appear to be a bad sport. I end up having to do a huge dance number with Catherine in front of the audience, but do quite well to my surprise. I get a standing ovation.

Then suddenly I'm on my own and visiting my old school friend Luci who lives in a remote and almost derelict house in the countryside. But instead of looking as I remember her, she looks exactly like...a naked and pregnant Samantha Janus. Also, her face is contorted slightly which makes her look extremely cat-like. We talk as normal though.

Whilst we chat, I look out of the window and see Pauline, a lesbian girl I was at college with, as she chases a stray dog across a farmer's field.

And then I wake up.

4/8/06 Dream

The whole family is camping on a site somewhere in England. As I finish putting up our tent, I examine how I've put it up, and it looks like I've pitched it a little close to the neighbour's tent. His is a large orange tent almost the size of a house - large enough to stand up in. I venture in.

The middle-aged man inside has paste tables set up with old magazines and original comic artwork on them. I notice some Pete Bagge 'Hate' comic artwork and we get chatting about it. I also notice that on the table there's lots of Satanic Nazi Sex genre comics with bondage and whatnot in them, which he tells me he's very keen on. I nod to appear interested.

He tells me to follow him to his house - it's a suburban semi just next door. The decor is a bit cheap and tacky, with beige furniture and white carpets and gold tubing bits everywhere. He picks up a DVD from the side and shows it to me. It's a sex film featuring his wife, who looks blonde and MILF-like on the cover. The film itself appears to be an all-girl gangbang with her and a handful of other women. The cover of her posed with them is just as tacky as the house, but also a little sexy. "Very nice." I say in an effort to appear polite, but he seems to take it to mean a green light to other things, and gets out his mobile phone, telling the person on the other end to "get downstairs".

There's noises from above and then I hear steps and suddenly at the bottom of the hall stairs is a large baby, who has crawled down. The baby is followed by the man's wife, also on all fours. She's much shorter than she appeared on the DVD cover, a dwarf almost, but still a little blonde and pretty in a dirty way. She looks me up and down, checking me out. "OK." she says, in a bored tone. The man then hands me another DVD of his wife's sex films, in a gift pack with some playing cards. He says he'll see me tomorrow and pats me on the back, showing me out. I'm not sure what I've agreed to.

I get back to our tent and ask Sasha when we're leaving, and she says "crack of dawn" and I say "good." and then tell the rest of the family the story. We all laugh about it, but when I'm alone later I make sure the sex DVDs are packed away safely to watch later.

And then I wake up.