Wednesday, February 18, 2009

The Milkman Of Human Kindness

I'm the only person
in a room with Billy Bragg.
And Billy Bragg is stripped to the waist.
And holding a ukulele across his chest.
And the ukulele has loose strings.
Billy performs 'Help Save The Youth Of America'
for me and for me alone,
whilst strumming
on the ukulele. And i can tell
that although he's singing
the words live,
the music is pre-recorded
and being piped-in from somewhere else.
And when he finishes the song,
The Bard of Barking lowers the ukulele.
And only then does he reveal
that he's been wearing
a black brassiere throughout.

Friday, February 13, 2009


I know I am in a workplace but it seems more like a lounge area. I'm talking to a woman who I know as a very straight-laced corporate executive. Strangely though, she is lounging back on her chair with her feet up on a table and she's smoking. She's asking me questions about places. I recall that Anigonish NS was one of them. I don't know anything about any of these places at all. At a certain point I start to think that this is a job interview, so I ask, and she responds, "of course it is, silly...are you ready for your test?". She hands me a book and shows me where the test is in the book, but when I take the book in my hands the test disappears. It isn't in the book anymore. I say I lost the test, and she looks at me scornfully and prints another off at a nearby printer. As I read the test, it becomes real. I'm looking into a chute of some kind. Several feet back in the chute, there are bars and just this side of the bars, there are some items that appear to have been washed through the bars and deposited in the chute. They include some keys, some broken glass and a few other unidentified items. Suddenly, a question is typed in the air in front of me in Courier font. "Describe the effect on neighbourhood crime".

My alarm then woke me up.


business hotties:
i am a large corporate office meeting room, big oval table, and lots of chairs, big windows allowing great views of the city. i am alone; i am trying to find a piece of paper that has some important information on it that i need to share with a colleague (who appears to be tim who i used to work with and was in a previous dream). there is no panic just the beginning sense of urgency.
i find the right papers as tim walks in.
i slide it across the table to him. it scoots perfectly to a stop in front of him. i notice the knots in the design of the table.
tim looks at sheet. we both snigger.
the important information is a combination of spreadsheet and glossary that describes the hotness of our colleagues.

large school gym/ assembly hall. parquet flooring that has darkened with age and coats of polish. the layout of the space changes throughout the dream, sometimes the stage is there, sometimes it is not. it seems as if a large group of people have been kidnapped. or at the very least have been made to attend, it is hard to tell. one thing is certain: no one seems to want to be there.
the group has been split by sex. the girls face the boys. there are all shapes and sizes in the group. they are all wearing flesh toned lycra jumpsuits.
there is someone standing over them all, their identity never revealed.
the two groups are being shouted at and they are being forced to do a large-scale dance routine. everyone looks embarrassed to be there.

i am in café that is a mix of 50s american diner, northern café and pie & mash shop. i am standing in between two corner booths, wooden wall dividers and mirrors around. the floor is black and white tiles, there is a lot of formica, on the tables there are tomato shaped sauce dispensers.
there are a crowd of people sitting in the booths. i am holding court. we all look like rejects from ‘happy days’. i am in a leather jacket and white t-shirt. i have no idea what i am talking about, but i am in full flow.
at the end of one booth is sitting a woman, she looks up at me and says something, what is said is not clear. she is marisa tomei.
my reply is short and curt: “nice baps”.

i am riding on a bus (or tram); the street outside seems strangely empty and very wide. i seem to be fresh faced and bushy tailed. in my hand i am clutching a large book, dark blue cover with bold yellow writing. it is my new work manual.
i am off to my first day on the job and i am excited to be working at macdonalds.