I'm the only person
in a room with Billy Bragg.
And Billy Bragg is stripped to the waist.
And holding a ukulele across his chest.
And the ukulele has loose strings.
Billy performs 'Help Save The Youth Of America'
for me and for me alone,
on the ukulele. And i can tell
that although he's singing
the words live,
the music is pre-recorded
and being piped-in from somewhere else.
And when he finishes the song,
The Bard of Barking lowers the ukulele.
And only then does he reveal
that he's been wearing
a black brassiere throughout.